5/17/10

Biggest disappointment of the weekend. Those shoes that made me so happy last Thursday and Friday I've discovered aren't wearable. They don't smell like smoke or look like it, but when you take them off at night, you're feet are black from smoke residue being ground into your skin. Can this be healthy?

I took photos of the house this weekend, so when the construction is complete I will have before and after pictures. The contractors had the kitchen appliances removed and sent to testing. (smoke corrodes wiring). I'm sure other people move their appliances to clean behind (like the refrigerator, the dishwasher, the trash compactor), but I don't. The floor shows it.

Like many of the repairs done to the house, the floor smacks of do-it-yourself. The kitchen floor was laid after the cabinets were in. In one corner of the kitchen a cabinet was removed before we moved in and you can see the previous flooring. Under the dishwasher is sub floor.

I'm ready for the demolition. I'm tired of the voice in my head that makes me feel guilty because I am not cleaning the walls and floors. People will see. What will they think? Intellectually I know they will think there was a fire, but my unconscious reminds me every time I'm there, people will think you're a bad housekeeper.

Once the demolition begins, the true story of how much work will be required to right the house will emerge. Will the 2nd floor be destroyed or just cleaned, re-carpeted and repainted?

And when we are back in the house, will we ever feel safe again? Or will the threat of an uncontrollable disaster keep us awake nights?

I've been in two serious tornadoes, one fire and a couple of minor earthquakes. Some days I marvel that I'm able to get out of bed at all.